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Aug. 14th, 2005

04:33 am - pilgramage

Tomorrow, Joe and I are driving out to Vermont to hang with Josh for a few days, and also, to see dredg. It will be quite the needed mini-vacation. More to come on that.

Jul. 31st, 2005

03:27 am - Mitch.

After jamming with that guy John for five minutes, it became clear that it just wasn't happening. He's 17, he's emotionless, and he's just not right for Imbibe, not even close. After speaking it over with Joe in the car, Joe suggested we give Mitch another chance. We talked to him and it went really well, surprisingly. He's changed in some ways and it's workable now. However, he said he wanted to think it over, and eventually speak to his parents. Tonight I met up with him and after speaking more about it, he decided he wanted to stay and persue the band. However, tomorrow he has to speak to his parents and this might get nasty. Let's all hope it goes well for him. Cross your fingers.

Jul. 28th, 2005

01:34 am - Word.

Just got home from watching Joe's other band practice. They are awesome! Great musicians and a great bunch of guys. Much to report. I stopped smoking pot about two and a half weeks ago, and quit smoking cigarettes three days ago. I feel pretty great right now. I plan on smoking pot again eventually but, not cigarettes. I just really want to kick this shit already and get it off my mind. If I'm going to be a singer, I owe it to everyone in this band to take the instrument seriously and try to be the best I possibly can, and that means, not toxifying my vocal chords twenty times a day with thousands of cancerous chemicals. It just makes sense to stop and save myself some money at the same time. Started working out again with Joe also. So, I'm keeping it healthy. I've been working on EJ stuff lately, trying to figure out what to do with 'Born'. It's going to be cool once it's done. As for Imbibe, Joe and I are getting together with this guy John, who is a guitar player, but is aiming to play bass for us. I guess we will see how it goes. Hope it works out. Looking forward to whenever Josh can make it down again so we can start to look for a place for him. Until next time, peace.

Jul. 23rd, 2005

04:44 am

So much has happened since my last update (which is usually the way it goes). Here is a quick recap of what has happened in the last three weeks.... 1) We completed the demo and got good reactions from numerous friends and Josh 2) Josh came down to visit and all went well 3) Joe and I have set up the studio in Cold Spring Harbor and have completed more music 4) Josh is moving here soon. Yes, I'll explain later. It's 5 am. die.

Jul. 1st, 2005

03:34 am - ...and out of the darkness, an acoustic demo pokes it's fat face out while a wide grin.

It seems like a lot has happened since my last update, but not really. First of all, the demo. I recorded vocals for 'information' and 'reaching' and gleefully showed Joe a first glimpse into our final product, or something like it. We burned a cd of the rought mixes, smoked some weed, and just chilled on it and repeatedly listened to it for hours. There's no other music that sounds as good right now to me as my own, not even the new Dredg. Truth is, I haven't been listening to anything lately. I'm so into Imbibe right now, it's almost like I'm a fan at the same time. Before I knew it, Joe had created a myspace page for the incomplete demos. Even though they are incomplete, I'm happy he did it because people were loving it, in it's rawest form, and that's a really really good sign. We got comments and messeges and it feels good to have an audience, even if it's a 10 or 20 people for now. Josh loved the demos, Danny hasn't heard it yet. Speaking of Josh, he's coming down on the 11th to chill for a few days, work on some tunes, smoke and chill. This is a good time right now for me personally. There's no greater feeling in the world than getting your shit out there and getting a reaction. Elder Jepson tempporarily is on hold.

Jun. 25th, 2005

03:31 am - Positivity Y'all! Part II

Joe and I started recording the demos the other day. Right now, djembe and ryth. guitars are complete. Now for some guitar and percussion overdubs, and finally, vocals. Should be done within the week.

Jun. 19th, 2005

02:41 am - positivity Y'all!!

I haven't spoken to Mitch in three days. I know that isn't exactly a large amount of time but for us, at least recently, it's kind of awkward. After having about a week to reflect on his departure, I can say that I made the right choice. I've given Mitch a thousand chances musically, and as a person/friend, and he really hasn't exactly shined in his ability to assimilate himself into what is going on. I like Mitch, but, at the same time, I don't. He's not right for this band. I don't know if Danny is (at least, not yet) but, what else can I do but go with Joe and Danny opposed to stick with Mitch? Mitch presents no future for this music, nor a real sense of companionship and musical/spiritual venture. In otherwords, Mitch is a bad egg. It's nothing I didn't see coming from a mile away, but, yet it's still disappointing to see the same car accident over and over again, or watching that sad movie which you know will end in tragedy time and time again. Me and Joe got together tonight and chilled, listened to some elder jepson music, and jammed acoustically. Since Bart is redoing the basement, and we really can't ask Danny to throw money into the project yet, Joe and I decided to record a few demos, with djembe, guitar, and vocals. This will help you too Josh, obviously. This is all we can do right now to keep things moving, so, there you go.

Jun. 14th, 2005

03:02 am - Beware! Cancer.

Over the past couple of months, I noticed a small, pea-sized lump developing in between my scrotom and my inner thigh. At first, I thought it was an ingrown hair, but got kind of worried that it might be testicular cancer, which isn't rare or unheard of for my age group. So, today, I went to my doctor and got it checked out. It was more serious than I had hoped it was, because my doctor decided to send me straight over to yet another doctor, however, this doctor was a radiologist. I got a sack-scan (a term I coined today) and was told that the obstruction was in fact NOT in my sack, which means that it is not testicular cancer. However, what it IS, is a bloated lymph node, which isn't good, but still may be nothing serious. I may need surgery, I may not. It all depends on a biopsy that I hope to have tomorrow. Worst case senario would be that I have lymphoma (cancer of the lymph nodes), although the statistics would lean more towards just a common infection. So, this obviously has been a bit of a wake-up call for me and my family. I walked out of the doctor's office (the first doctor) and cried for a moment. I guess I couldn't hold it back. Sometimes I wish I was dead, but the truth is, no one wants that. You may not want to be alive and experience the negative aspects of life, but dying is definately not the answer. So, I guess my perspective was jolted on that subject. I made the decision to stop smoking cigarettes and pot. I've smoked for five years and haven't once been scared of the consequences, but today proved that bad things can happen at literally anytime and usually come out of nowhere when you least expect it. Do I really want to wait for the day that I find out I have emphasema or lung cancer to do something good for myself (and good for my health)? The answer is no. All arrows point to quiting smoking cigarettes for good. The health aspect is number one. The second thing is my voice (which I suppose goes along with health). I want to be able to sing at my full potential, with no excuses. I want to know how far I can take it, because honestly, I am clueless to my true pontential while treating this instrument like a peice of garbage. Third is the financial aspect. It's a waste of money. I got myself into this mess, and now I have to get myself out of it. I decided I have to kick the pot for awhile (not forever) only because I need the clearest head possible to take on the challenge of quiting cigarettes. Alongside that major health change, I want to eat well and start running on a daily basis. We are all fragile as human beings. Today I realized my mortality. I hope you guys can draw from it. It's some scary shit.

Jun. 13th, 2005

03:11 am - I'm sorry but it's over.

Okay so, Joe read my last entry and got angry. I understand why. Although I don't like to censor myself, I do think that maybe those thoughts should have been said in person first before writing them in this journal. So, apologies to Joe, won't happen again. When Joe called me, we talked about the situation and the things that were said. After coming to a semi-understanding about the situation, Joe bluntly said that he doesn't feel good about Mitch, at all. We all saw it coming from a mile away. Something wasn't right between the two of them, they are very different. I still love Mitch for the crazy fuck he is, and everything is cool now but tonight I personally told him (like a friend should do) that it wasn't going to work. He took it very very well and I'm proud of him for it. This would have ruined him usually, but with his girlfriend at his side, he took it with dignity. Tonight Joe, Jenna, and me took a ride over to Danny Lupo's house in Hicksville. I had never been there before, only meeting Danny once before about a year ago. This was our "plan B" as far as bass players went. I didn't expect to be amazed, but surprisingly, after listening to a four-track recording he had been working on, I was amazed at what he was capable of. Danny is complex, rythmic, and I'd go as far as to say innovative on the bass. It's someone Joe is friends with and I think there is no choice but to follow this path. He has gear, and he wants in. You can tell he is the kind of guy that will be dedicated. So we are getting together tomorrow. I'll report more on this tomorrow night. And Josh, if you are reading this entry before I call you to tell you the news, I'm sorry, but I think we did what we had to do for the good of our band. Later niggers.

Jun. 12th, 2005

02:39 am - thoughts and analysis

Woah, it just hit me, I've been keeping this journal for awhile now. Over a year. So this is what a year feels like. Everything in my life has changed in the last month. I lost my girlfriend, have left my college, and have started a new job and two musical projects. I couldn't tell you what any of this means though. I'm quite lost. I don't even have any friends anymore. It feels like there's nothing left here for me, and I'm the last one on earth to realize it. I want to accomplish something. That is something I am sure of. I've grown into the type of person who will keep pushing forward, no matter what the situation or how harsh it seems. I'm smart enough to know that there's no other way to go. However, late at night, like right now, when everyone is in bed, or with their loved one, it's always difficult to keep the faith. I suppose it is nights like this that spawn the best music that yours truely has ever made in his life. I am now 8 tracks into the first elder jepson release. And I might add, that some of those 8 tracks are incomplete ideas. So, 8 ideas. Good ideas. I know I can't stop until I have enough music to fill a little over an hour of space. It seems like to put out any less of a recording wouldn't be a step forward. I did an EP, now it's time to throw an even more complex idea out there; an idea which requires an hour to listen to and understand. I know I'm pretentious a bit, although I try to hold it back, but at the ripe age of 20, it's tough. Imbibe is definately the other half of the whole for me. Imbibe is an idea right now, it always has been on my end. It is my collaborative side, my vocal side, and definately something people would understand much better than my electronic endeavors. Although the music is slowly coming along, it's hard to feel confident right now. Joe and Mitch don't exactly make me feel like I've found my musical parters for life. It's more of a give and take right now. Everyone is in it because they want to make music. But do we really have the same ideas about things? Are we really thinking on the same platform? And if not, does it even matter? I can't help but think that it does matter. For instance, take Mitch. Mitch is still a kid. He gets off on gaining the attention of people by saying or doing some obscene thing. His mind isn't in the game like mine is, or Josh. I feel like he's missing a really big part of the picture, and it's coming too close for comfort. As for Joe, I think he overestimates our "musical connection". Sometimes it seems like no one is really getting what I'm personally striving for. I feel like I'm trying to conduct a puppet show, but everyone's strings are getting tangled. Maybe that line came out wrong. I'm not a puppetmaster here, nor am I trying to be. I want everyone to be creative, alongside me, as equals. However, one could always argue that without me, this wouldn't be happening. Even so, I don't want to be looked up to in any way. Why should I be? I haven't done anything spectacular in my life. I'm 20. I only care about finding people who care and work as hard as I do in the musical realm. I don't feel Mitch does enough, and even Joe comes short. Drums seem like a sport to him. We show up to Joe's house, we smoke a cigarette, we jam, we smoke some pot, we leave. But no other time do we really associate. This mainly pertains to Joe but recently Mitch began seeing this girl, Adrienne, and is rarely seen outside of the band room himself. What is happening here? I feel like I'm screaming at the top of my lungs and it's coming out a whisper. There is so much to do here and everyone has other things to do. Well, obviously everyone is obligated to things, like jobs, or girlfriends. But what if they lost it? What kind of music would they be making? Is it better for a creative mind to sit comfortable, foolishly missing the point? I've been thrown back into chaos, back into being single and alone. I'm frantic, paranoid, and upset. But at the end of the day, I'm making a record by myself plus pushing all my free time for Imbibe. No one has an excuses as far as I'm concerned. You are either in or out. I'm not mad that Mitch and Joe have lives, which I clearly don't. What I am angry at is that it seems like out of the three of us, I am the only one that NEEDS to do this. I am the only one who will devote every free second to something that must be done, or else existence is absolutely miserable. It is a fire that I know I am not alone in feeling, but who are these guys? What do they have to say? And when will they stop putzing around and say it? If there's one person who I feel closest to as a friend and musician, it's Josh, and ironically, he lives the furthest away. I never see him. He's just not here. What IS here, is not cutting it and I'm not feeling amazing about it like I wish I was. The music is good, and the players are good. But as people, I think there's a lot of growing up to be done, and a lot of pain to cause that growing up. I hope it hits them hard because if it doesn't, they may end up being soccer moms. Point is, Imbibe is a vision that Josh had before I ever got invovled. He simply didn't have the players. But he can be sure he has one. That's me. As for Mitch and Joe, I think they both need to step up to the plate in their own ways.

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